Girl - Emotion Controlled Creature

One of my close friend just started a relationship lately. Congratz my friend - Kitt. Glad that she manage to find a great guy.

She used to complain about the whole world to me. Everything in this world are poking her eyes and end each chatting sentence with a sigh or a angry tone. But now...thing had change.

The same issue which happen a month before and today. The exactly same incident and people but the way she describe is no longer the same anymore.

Today, when she is telling me that incident, she end each sentence with a 'haha' or smiley face.

Women....Girl....Emotion Controlled Creature. =)

Don't you think so?

Love is in the air

-on behalf of cliu-

suicide 2

gliding through the air like an eagle
life flashes through, a smile on my face
the end is approaching, a hard tarmac
my heart skips a beat, i am afraid

first property

recently made my first financial commitment by buying a unit in perdana residence 2. spa was signed, bank loan approved and construction's ongoing. i think it'll be a decent place to live in. brickfields is currently getting too hectic and too crowded real quick. it'll be ready in 3 years though. still a long time and everything could change by then. who knows huh? i might not even be residing in malaysia. but i think 3 years is a pretty decent period don't you think so? could even be time to consider starting a family of my own by then... don't think too far ahead, it's just a thought here...

show house of perdana residence 2

anyway, the fact that this purchase even materialize, it's all down to my parents - they sourced out the house, went to the launching of the property and had the down payment paid... i just did the follow up and everything was pretty much just going with the flow... and since it's an incomplete property at that time, sourcing for a bank loan wasn't too tricky as well. only 2 panel banks and once i talked to both of them, the choice was simple.

third row on the right, second unit from the right - home sweet home?

on behalf of cliu

要怎么另两个曾经想恋的人去承认逝去的爱情？

要怎么另两个曾经爱过彼此的人去接受以后的日子我们应该只是朋友？

没有大吵大闹，没有第三者，那要怎么结束一段恋情？

要怎么走出一段漂亮的回忆？

曾经憧憬的未来，来不及走向它。

曾经完美的过去，为什么不延续地走向我？

back in kl

been back in kl since last weekend. but have been ever so busy since. haven't had much time for myself or to meet up with old friends. when was the last time i've not been busy? i can't remember. activity's supposed to have slowed down. yet, i've only had a weeks worth of vacation during cny since last july.

lately, i've been having a weird feeling. whenever i receive a job from someone and i delay them, i would feel as though i've put off the job forever. but once it's done and i checked how long it has been since i received the mail/call for the job, it'll only be a couple of days. never more than a week. not only that. events that happened last week feels like it's occurred last month. i'm losing perception of time. i'm losing sense of what's happening around me too.

cl told me a few days ago that i've got my priorities wrong. i've sacrificed myself and those around me in my focus on my job. in wanting to get things done, i've pushed aside everything else. is that true? i don't know. i don't necessarily agree to it, but if she could say that and my parents could say that, it has to mean something. right? i guess in my shortcomings as a person, inadvertently is my strength as an employee. i hope it is or all this would be so worthless.

anyway, just this one project. once this project in the ground, i will re-evaluate my position in the company. and where i stand on achieving my goals - personal and professional. perhaps then i'll need to search for a new challenge. a new environment. till then, my blood is blue i guess.

a brand new day

woke up to a cloudy day. wonders if those clouds are a reflection of my mood this morning. not too excited about getting up from bed. a hot shower - yes, that would clear up the fog surrounding my mind. and a cup of hot coffee, that usually wakes me up and get's me in gear for the day. but why am i still struggling this morning? it'll clear up by lunch, i'm sure of that. work's pilling up by the second. i just need to divide and conquer. an age old war tactic that works well almost everywhere and in every situation. so easily distracted i find myself. losing focus every minute. need to shake this off. need to improve the situation.

had a relaxing lunch - a good dependable half time pep talk. had a fairly smooth meeting. things seem to be picking up. did nothing much after the meeting but generally felt better. no idea why. list of things to do is still a mile long. and more than half of it was due yesterday. decided to close up early in the office. well early is early for me.

after that, a good dinner. always a good way to end the day. after dinner, a good bottle of wine and a good conversation. enjoyable company. it is much appreciated, especially after such a long week. and now, in front of my laptop, looking at a spreadsheet that i've been staring at for the past couple of days. i think i'm going to shut down.

tomorrow will be a brand new day. i don't know if it'll be better or worse. but it'll be a brand new day.

5 questions

1) is there anything or anyone in this world that you would die for?

2) what is the one principal that you've always believed in and still hold on to?

3) would you look back at a life filled with regret or laughter?

4) have you ever taken the fall for someone or something you've believed in?

5) when you look in the mirror, what do you see?

think hard before answering. write it down. come back in 6 months. will your answers still be the same?

medical...

in the waiting room of colombia asia, miri at the moment waiting for my scheduled medical check up.
you know what this means? i've been working for almost 3 years now that my previous medical is expiring.
i know i've always said this but it still never ceases to amaze me how time flies... 3 years...
and i can still recall the interview sessions with slb like it was yesterday...
anyway, i always get nervous with medicals - i hate needles!
i dun mind everything else really but needles?

ps: posting from my blackberry so the format might seem different...

how is everyone?

lately been finding it tough to write anything that reflects my true emotions. distractions of my everyday life. the dark reflections of the voices in my head. excuses or not, i don't even try to write these feelings down. afraid of what i'll find out. afraid of hurting ppl around me. they say life's a cycle - one moment you're up, another you're down. if that's true, with the depth of my depression at the moment, i think life owes me a lifetime of ecstatic joy... if only that's ever true.

probably it's not as bad as it seems or feels. maybe it's just me putting on a negative spin on everything in life. just to be a little bit more dramatic. just to create that little bit more suspense in my otherwise routine life. just maybe...

anyway, no point confusing you my avid readers any longer. and it's worthless trying to get to the bottom of my turbulent emotions as it'll just go on and on and on - endlessly. instead, let's talk about something else. something with more substance to it.

i hear somewhere that earth hour is coming up again. last year, i've supported it. but now, i feel it's another one of those cliché "feel good" events that floods the world these days. just because you stop using electricity for an hour, does not make you an environmentalist. wat good does an hour do against all the other pollutions still going on in every part of the world? some would say it's better than nothing. but that's exactly the mentality that brought us to where we are today. was crossing the border of miri/brunei last week and saw several spots of bush fire (due to the searing heat more than anything else) and suddenly feels as though the world is failing under a huge burden. and unfortunately, we're a massive portion of that burden.

there are a couple more things i want to write about but this post has turned out to be so gloomy, i dun wanna continue writing here. i'll save those for a lighter post.

ps: this blog will be without the presence of cl for a while. she's in shanghai, china for now on a new job assignment and as we all know, china's blocked out numerous sites on the www and unfortunately blogspot is one of them. ridiculous, i know, but i don't want to elaborate more or they'll probably locate my house and nuke me out of the face of the earth... =P

silent emotions

shakespeare i am not
mozart, far from it
words do not flow with ease
rhyme and rhythm eludes me

patience i plead you
listen to what i have to say
listen to what i have not said
listen with your heart

turbulence of emotion builds
inside me with no relief
searching, seeking, feeling
tearing me apart from within

look into my eyes, my soul
see and understand, i pray
it's simple and innocent
i love you, i love you

i have not written any sort of article in a very long while. i guess you can judge it be the ever dropping frequency of post being published here. however, that does not mean that i have lost the love/ passion to write, just probably the emotion and the means to express it. been very robotic lately. everything comes with a yes or no decision and nothing excites me too much these days. anyway, since it is the start of a new year, thought i'd give myself a little nudge to start writing again and see where it goes from here...

experimental pics

the last time i was back in kl, i actually made the effort to go take some quick shots that i've always wanted to try ever since i got my d60. and since lately words are hard to come by for me to write anything at all in this blog, i'll just put up a couple of the pics i took from that night... btw, these pics were taken on the 30th of Dec 2009...

these pics were taken of a pedestrian bridge close to my home in brickfields. used to spend a lot of time there when i was a kid. still remember the walks with mum and we'll just stand on the bridge coz i was always amazed at how the bridge seems to be moving when i look down at the river (too young to understand relative motion) - the pedestrian bridge crosses the klang river and the federal highway... speaking of those walks, i dun remember much in detail but the memory gives me a warm, cozy feeling always...

and on the way back home, cl says one of the hardest objects to capture with a normal camera is the moon. so i gave it my best shot. what do you think?

2009 annual review

i know everyone's been saying this title is way too formal, but what the heck - i like it... =)

anyway, i've promised myself to write this down. not for anyone else but for my own record. it's amazing how much we all change over the years and this would be a good reminder in years to come how 2009 turned out to be for me.

january 2009

started out the year with a splendid break up north in thailand. spent a couple of weeks there in bangkok and pattaya and had a great time with cl - perfect weather, rich culture, great food, nice ppl, pretty girls and pretty "girls"... =)

february 2009

zh's wedding! made it a point not to miss this one after missing out on ang's big day. and no regret as it was a beautiful ceremony. never imagined would see the day zh walks down the aisle... hahaha...

spent the longest time onboard the ss3. would also like to think of it as one of the more successful campaign ss3 had in south furious. had my ups and downs on this campaign. had a stop card written against me by the csr for not going to sleep!

march 2009

back on land from ss3

april 2009

spent some time in miri. back in kl for a weekend for the us visa application. back to labuan and managed to squeeze in 2 ves jobs in kikeh on the west setia and ocean rover.

may 2009

furthest trip i've ever made to this day. kl - doha - houston - tulsa. the start of my second/ leader school for slb.

june 2009

still in tulsa for the slb school. definitely the best time i've had since i joined slb. great class, great time. 11 ppl from 9 different countries - malaysia (1), colombia (2), brazil (1), usa (2), china (1), russia (1), hungary (1), france (1), cameroon (1). unfortunately did not do as well as i did in the first school. ended up second in class.

july 2009

after 6 months being away from cl, spent a couple of weeks with her in san fransisco, vegas and disneyland california. most memorable vacation i've had with cl (and most expensive!!!)... =)

at the end of the month, went back to labuan for a day before heading onto brunei on sta...

august 2009

was on bima for my first ohgp job. turned out to be a really "interesting" job. a lot of question mark still remains about what actually happened.

september 2009

second ohgp job. operational nightmare. enough said.

october 2009

third ohgp job. almost lost a well. recovered. and recovered well. for the first time since i joined slb, i felt that i've been pushed (physically and mentally) so far that i started to question myself. remember waking up and staying in bed thinking - what the heck am i doing here?!

november 2009

was registered for an ohgp class in kl. was truly glad for the chance to be back home. and this was the start of 2 hectic months of travelling between kl, miri and brunei.

december 2009

was in brunei for a week for a yard test. was in miri a couple of days. but most memorable moment? being able to spend xmas eve at home. first time after joining slb.

ps: i actually wrote this down in the first week. thought of adding in pics of all the events - especially our trips to bangkok/ pattaya and san fransisco/ vegas/ disneyland. but that delayed this post for 2 weeks. so here it goes. i don't wanna post this entry in the second month of the year waiting for the pics... =/

happy new year everyone!!!

可爱女人

时不时会听到男人要一个独立的女人。

一个会给他们自由，时间的女人。一个有自己节目的女人。不是那种男人没在身边就会死的女人或者那种一点点小事就喊着她的男人过来的女人。

可是，男的。。。你们知不知道，我们喊你们的时候，你们是应该觉得幸福的。

当屋子，车子，链子都是我自己买的时候，我还要你来干嘛?

当灯泡，水喉，电脑都是我自己解决时，我还要男的吗？

男人们，当你们说要一个独立女人时，想想再说吧！

所以嘛，还是小女人可爱。

The end of 2009 - The start of 2010

It is going to be a brand new year again. I remember that I wrote a summary of year 2008 before the new year of 2009. And now, it is time to write another piece to say good bye to 2009.

Obviously, I am back from Norway in the middle of year 2009. Last year, I was asking that when will I stop working abroad. Apparently, it is not going to end so soon. Since I am going to work at Shanghai after Chinese New Year. Another year of travelling, another year of unknown, another year that lead to more question mark.

I am standing at the age of mid 20. A girl who start using anti-aging cosmetic product instead of oil-free. Nic said another 5 years, it is going to be anti-wrinkle but not anti-aging anymore. (wtf $%*(!&@%) Everyone scare to get old. Age is always a secret for women (girl?women?girl? women? which word to use?) especially when 18 years old sounds so far from you. Lately, I am reading a book where the main character is living his life from old back to young again, just like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Suddenly, I feel, actually it is good to get old too. At the age of 18, I am daring, do whatever without concerning about how other people look/think at me. A year of problem-free and only laughter in life. At the same time, because of my ignorance, my inconsiderate, I hurt many people without notice. Now, as I am getting older, the way I look at things are getting less persistent. I accept people's comment, I understand what other people are trying to tell me.

Looking back to the time after I am back from Norway, I spent a lot of time with my friends. Kitt Yin, Ray, Enrico, Sheau Miin, Kim Loong, Sze Ying...It is a year of joy and sorrow. The leaving of Sze Ying's father, Nic's great grand-mum... There is a saying: time can heals everything. Wish that all their pain of losing their loved one in life will be heal by time. Joyful part, the register of marriage for Ming Jie, wedding of Joo Ann, engagement of Choy Yee...wish these lovely couples will bring new life into this world.

Relationship? Kam commented on Choy Yee's engagement said that according to stat human tend to get marry between 25-27. I am 25 this year and it seems like I am going to be the one who fall out of this range or maybe at the border of it. So, in conclusion for relationship, stagnant.

Travelling side, I had been to US, German, Sweden, Thailand, HK in year 2009. For year 2010, I plan to visit as many place in China as possible since I am going to be working there. Beijing...Yun Nan...Harbin...tibet...and Taiwan,perhaps?

What else I plan to do in this new coming year? er...I wish to learn more, read more. (And, also losing more body weight! hahaha...) I wish to have less tear more laughter. I wish to have less thing to ponder more peace in my brain.

Bye bye 2009, welcome 2010.

merry christmas!!!

xmas eve 2007 - flying back from oman. xmas eve 2008 - sailing back from ss3. xmas eve 2009?

i'm actually back home in kl! yes, i've been lucky this year... =)

been fortunate enough to actually have an assignment here in kl. temporary but at least had the opportunity to taste what life would be like if i were to be working here for good. and honestly, as long as i'm with slb, i would prefer to be in kl just on vacation. not for work. it takes the joy out from being at home when you still have to worry about unfinished business in the office... =/

but that's a story for another post. or maybe that's a story for me, myself.

christmas this year was good. quality time spent with parents and cl. nothing more i could ask for. and of course - great presents too! hahaha...

and is it that time of the year already to look back on how the year turned out to be and to make more resolutions to be broken? time really does fly doesn't it? and it seems to be gaining speed as the year goes by... anyway, i'll save that post for another time as well. hopefully, i'll be able to slot in a post between now and new year's eve. it'll be interesting to look back and discover for myself how this year turned out to be. and to look forward to the next as well...

for now, i just wanna wish the world out there to have a merry, merry christmas and to just take a short time out from whatever you're doing to appreciate everything you have around you right now. peace.

Spider Web oh spider web...

Actually I am suppose to post a blog regarding my HK trip, a few months ago trip, however, I really not into the mood to do that lately.

Many things happen lately...Nic's back, Xmas shopping, project is rushing, and some decision on my job...Although this is not my blog but I feel bad to let it fill up with spider web. So I am trying to clear it off by updating a mini post today.

And not to forget to wish everyone : -

Merry Xmas and happy new year~!

from bima with love...

when you get a couple hours of sleep every night for a week, when you've spent hours in preparation but everything goes south on the job, when you've just been to bed for an hour after 48 and someone wakes you up to start swinging the hammer, you start to wonder - why the heck didn't i just take a normal 8 to 5 job?!

it's been a while since i've posted any offshore pics, so here you go - ever since i got to brunei at the end of july, i've been to 3 ohgp jobs on the bima... and this is how she looks like... btw, she's the first jack-up rig i've been on...

If...Then

If there is no solution for the problem, then face it with a smile.
If there is what you have to do, then just do it.

If you can't change the world, then you live with it.
If you can change the world, then...Change It!

Many people always like to use "there is nothing I can do" for the problem they faced in life. Usually I don't really agree with that. You may say because all the while I am too lucky in my life. I never face any big problem which is so called "unsolvable".(touch wood ya!!) Partly, that is correct, another reason is the way I handle problem.

There must be a solution for everything. It is depend on us whether we want to accept the solution or not. Most of the time, we are running away from the reality and want it to go the way we "wish" it to be. This is a true world, things won't always go along with the way you want it to be. I believe deep inside everyone's heart, we already knew the solution for most of the problem. We know what to do and what option left for us to choose. The difficult part is whether can you accept the cruel solution or not.


太执着于爱情（放不开逝去的爱情），或者，太执着于听天由命。（不主动争取爱情）
太执着从来不是一件好事。

Man Vs Woman

Last night I had a long chat with 3 friends during dinner. On the dining table, 2 man 2 woman are sitting opposite.

Man

Girls don't argue with their brain. It is useless to be rational with them when arguing. They don't listen nor accept what we say at all. No point to tell/analyse to them what is right or wrong. In the end of the argument, they pop out : "I don't care! I want it that way". See? girl...

Woman

We don't want to listen to so much of theory. We just want you to pamper us, sayang us, support us whatever we do. As long as you say : I love you. Who care about what is right what is wrong?You are not my parent or teacher but you are my bf!

Man

Why I cannot have the freedom to go out drink with my friend? My ex gf for dinner? My time to play computer game?

Woman

Why you can have so much of time to go out with your friends instead going out with me? Why must have dinner with your ex? Why not someone else? Why spend time on playing something which is not going to bring you any good?

Man

Why I have to do whatever she like? Follow her to shop, saloon, manicure, pedicure, facial...But whenever I ask her to follow me to comic shop, computer game shop, electronic gadgets, No No No. NEVER~!

Woman

Because I want to spend more time with you, that's why I let you follow me. If not, why don't I ask other guy to go with me? I need your opinion on my outlook. Why I spend so much effort, time and money on my outlook? It is for you, to please you, to make you proud of me, to let you aware of me, for you to praise me.

Man

I don't want to get marry so soon doesn't mean I don't love you. We are still young, I hope to have more time on my career. I wish to give you a better tomorrow. I can't marry with you now because I am incapable to provide you anything with my current financial situation. Still, I love you.

Woman

Why you still don't want to purchase a house? Why you still don't want to register of marriage with me? When you want to get marry? Do you have any future plan for both of us? Why you don't want to have any commitment with me? DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?

Man

I don't want to talk at the moment. Give me a second. I need some time to be alone.

Woman

Why you cannot tell me? Why don't you tell me NOW? Share with me la! I am your gf no matter what happen you can always tell me.

***

All the thing on the above, it happens so much around my friends. Couple A - Z. I listen to both sides of story. Don't ask me who is wrong or right. I don't know. Man and woman brain are used to be different. It is normal to think differently.

Which couple won't argue? Everyone also argue. Whether the relationship can go on or not is depend on how much you still love each other. This post is to let everyone out there to know that every couple also will face the same problem. Even you change another gf/bf the same thing will still be there. Solve it instead of run away from it la...

identity

this is partly in response to cl's post, partly in response to something we've talked about and partly about something that's been going through my mind for a while now...

we are who we are. no one can change that. and we should not change ourselves to conform to the society around us. does it matter if we fall out of the norm of society? why should it?

there's no need, no reason to explain ourselves to everyone, to anyone. what we do, our actions each day should be enough to define us. to paint a portrait of our character, our inner self. if ppl around us do not understand why we did what we do, it's a simple fact that they do not know us well enough. should we be discouraged by that? if you are, why?

are we so desperate to be loved? to be accepted?

i'm trying desperately at the moment to accept who i am. to be who i am. to break free. to stop fighting against the tide of expectations of who i think i'm supposed to be. to live my life without second thoughts. to give 100% every day, every hour, every minute, every second...

i dun believe that i would be able to look back at all my decisions/ actions without regret. so why look back at all? what's done is done. c'est la vie...

ps: i had something totally different in mind when i started writting this. but once i started, i got carried away. guess i had some pent up emotions inside. thought of deleting it but then decided that my blog needs more emotion from me. it's been a while since i wrote anything anyway.